Some more than others. But we’ve all been at that place where there was nothing left to say. Where pain and hopelessness and traumatizing despair had gripped us and shaken us so that we thought we were going to die. But we did not die.
My mother always told me (in her wonderfully soothing way) when I had a bad fever and anxiously asked if I was going to die: No, not that easily.
And when I came crawling home as a teenager, drunk from the alcohol-ocean I drowned myself in and wired from all the drugs I had taken, which sent my brain shooting around like a ping pong ball, and my mom put a cold washcloth on my forehead and I moaned: I will die. Then my mother always said with loving sympathy: No, not that easily.
When nothing makes sense anymore
And then I had these unimaginably terrible moments when I knelt in front of my bed and nothing made sense anymore and no hope was to be seen, and I could barely breathe because of all the crying and I couldn’t go on anymore and I didn’t want to go on anymore.
My God, I said then. My God, I can’t do it anymore.
And God then told me what he also tells you: “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” (God in Isaiah 41:10; NIV)
It’s so splendid, it’s so strong, it’s so saving that I want to write it to you a second time: “Do not be afraid, for I am with you; Do not be afraid, for I am your God. I will help you, yes, I will make you strong, yes, I will keep you with my helpful right. “(God in Isaiah 41:10)
If there is nothing and no one to hold you, then it is your God, who holds you with His helpful, strong right hand.
Lost in despair
If no path makes any sense, if you are completely lost in the dark of despair, and no way out, then it is your God, who saves you, with His helpful right hand from all the deserts of broken perversion, and from all the dark forests of sadness. Do not be afraid.
If your life-ship threatens to lose all your bearings on the wild, stormy ocean, that your life has become, then your God is the strong lighthouse to safety.
Trust your loving God above all else. “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” (God in Isaiah 41:10; NIV) (God in Isaiah 41:10; NIV)
You belong to God. You do not belong to pain and not to fear and not to panic and not to despair. You belong to God
I love this promise from God. He gave it to me when nothing made sense anymore. When I thought I’d go under and never get out of the pain again. God said, “Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.” (God in Isaiah 43:1-3; NIV)
And He kept it. And since God does not love me more than you; since I am not more important to God than you are, His promise is also for you. And He will keep it with you.
Short conversation one day in heaven
And perhaps we shall one day meet in heaven, and you will say: By the way, He kept His promise.
And I will answer: Of course, God will never let us down.
And God will say: What are you two talking about?
And we will say: Only good things about You, You glorious, glorious, glorious God.
And God will say: Oh, I love you two so unimaginably much.